Andy Haggerstone (Kaleidoscope BKK)
Thailand is an incredible place to visit. From its beautiful beaches to its delicious delicacies, there's so much to enjoy. The locals are famously friendly, and there is a rich cultural history to explore. However, if your stay at our Songwriting Retreat happens to be your first visit to Thailand, then this is what you need to know before you get here!
1. Wildlife
Thailand hosts a great variety of animal species, on land, in the air, and in the water. However, not all of these animals are friendly.
The most frequent encounter you'll have is likely to be with 'soi dogs' - these are stray dogs that wander the streets of pretty much every Thai village, town and city. If you're taking the short walk between Karma Studios and the lovely nearby beach in Bang Saray, you'll almost certainly encounter one or two at some point. Individually, the dogs are usually pretty timid, or even quite friendly. However, they tend to congregate into large packs at night, and are often quite vociferous when approached. They very rarely bite - they just try to intimidate you by being noisy. Nonetheless, diseases like rabies are quite common amongst wild animals, so it's better to avoid conflict with them and certainly best to avoid petting them. They can usually be bypassed with a bit of a show of confidence, particularly if you're walking with a group of people, but if you're on your own and nervous then it's best to either look for a safer route or call someone (like the retreat organisers) for backup!
The other likely encounter you'll have is with house lizards - a species of Gecko (pictured below). These lizards are entirely harmless, and actually quite a useful housemate to have since they eat crawling insects and, if they can catch them, irritating things like mosquitos. They can be ignored, even if they're in your room. But, please be careful when closing doors - they like to crawl into small spaces, and sometimes get crushed in door hinges! They're not to be confused with their much bigger conspecifics, which are colourful, spotted and a lot more aggressive. However, these larger Geckos are not commonly seen, so you're unlikely to meet one. There are lots of other lizards, including skinks, snakes, and monitor lizards, and it's best to avoid these also (the skinks won't harm you, but they don't like to be bothered!)
If you are visiting Thailand for a little longer than the camp, and intend to do some general tourism, then the other likely encounter is with monkeys - particularly if you visit Lop Buri. Monkeys are incredibly smart, and when it comes to getting something they want they're also capable of sophisticated teamwork. They will steal your stuff if they get a chance, so if you see monkeys, and you're not with a local guide who can gauge the situation for you, don't approach them!
2. Two-tier Pricing
Although it is somewhat controversial, it is not uncommon for foreigners to be charged a vastly different rate to Thais for all manner of things. For example, the cost of my covid test when my daughter was born was 22 times higher than my wife's, who is Thai. That extreme difference isn't common, but the two-tier approach is. As such, when you're visiting tourist attractions, you're likely to be charged a higher rate. It is also common for taxi drivers to attempt to apply this kind of policy too, but they absolutely shouldn't be - taxis in Thailand should be on the meter (if you're not using Grab, the equivalent of Uber here in Thailand), so make a point of insisting that the driver turns on the meter when you get in. Most won't have a problem with this, but some will; if you find a stubborn driver refusing to put you on the meter, just get out and wait for another taxi, as there'll be one just round the corner at most times.
3. Politics
Thailand is a constitutional monarchy, just like the UK. However, unlike the UK, Thailand has incredibly strict lèse majesté laws which restrict the ways in which the monarchy can be discussed. This isn't the equivalent of the controversies stirred up by the release of God Save The Queen by Sex Pistols, or when Frankie Boyle made that joke about the Queen's vagina. This is serious stuff, and the subject of fierce protests and counter-protests here in Thailand. There is a general divide on the issue along generational lines, but there is also much mistrust even amongst close friends and family members when it comes to discussing the monarchy, so strict are the laws and so severe are the punishments for breaking them. As such, be incredibly cautious in how you broach the topic with any Thais you meet. I'd suggest not discussing the topic in public places like bars or restaurants, since you have no idea who might be within earshot.
Anything bearing the King's (or former King's) image should be treated as an object of respect - including money. Thais also have a thing about feet, so if you drop some money, don't stand on it to stop it blowing away... this is a double no-no!
4. Public Toilets
Another tip is to carry some toilet paper/wipes with you when you're out in public. Public toilets frequently don't have any, and while the squirty hoses that are common here are great for cleaning yourself, they sometimes don't have those in some family restaurants or outdoor bar complexes with shared toilet facilities. Best to be safe than sorry, and bring your own! They don't need to be flushable wipes, because it's generally better to not flush toilet paper here and just use the bins provided instead.
5. 'Mai ben rai' / ไม่เป็นไร
If you're going to learn one Thai phrase beyond 'Sawatdee' ('hello'), 'Khop khun' ('thank you'), and 'Singh kuat neung' ('One Singha beer'), then I suggest 'Mai ben rai', which means something like 'no worries' or 'it's nothing'. This one phrase pretty much sums up Thailand, and the Thai response to most things. If someone apologises to you, 'mai ben rai'. If someone thanks you, 'mai ben rai'. Thais use this phrase in a variety of nuanced ways, but it really reflects the easygoing nature of Thai people.
Even though most of these tips highlight the negative sides of Thailand, the positives are significantly more numerous when it comes to visiting Thailand. From the weather, to the people, to its natural beauty, there is much to be enjoyed. And our writing camp location is the perfect place to showcase all of these things - a tranquil working environment operated by a team with an incredible depth of music industry experience and knowledge, a five minute walk from a beautiful beach lined with great restaurants and bars, and a relatively short drive (2 hours) to the bustling city of Bangkok in all its chaotic brilliance.
I really look forward to welcoming you to Thailand personally!
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